Category: Journalist Report

Journalist Report
Ben Durkee, Crew 236 Journalist

Sol 05

We’ve begun to develop our own Martian dialect. It sounds a lot like our collective worst impressions of a cockney British accent. I’m genuinely shocked that it hasn’t become annoying yet – I think the space madness has begun to set in and it manifests in the most mysterious ways. If the Health & Safety Officer had to write psychological reports, he would have A LOT of material at this point.

On the flip side, today was a relatively slow day on Mars which was a boon to our personal projects (and sleep schedules), but doesn’t give me a lot to work with. C’mon, Ben, think! Um… lovely weather we’ve been having..?

It actually has been a gorgeous evening, but unfortunately not for long enough. We woke up this morning to the tantalizing possibility of an EVA, however last night’s inclement weather didn’t subside soon enough and the ground was left rain-soaked and wind-battered, rendering it unstable for our entire EVA slot. If you can’t trust terra firma, who can you trust?

Instead, we spent the time grinding away on our research, adjusting to our new way of life, and oscillating in and out of latke-induced food comas. Kasey told us about her unsettling Stephen King novel. Vladimir taught us Durak, a traditional Russian card game that practically encourages over-the-top card-drawing theatrics. Cesare slaved over our Christmas Eve feast in the kitchen for hours, overwhelming the Habitat with some much needed pleasant aromas. Very much needed. We haven’t showered in 5 Sols.

I’ve been fasting since this morning so I can well and truly indulge in Cesare’s handiwork, but I think my stomach has begun to self-cannibalize. At a certain point, biological needs overpower literary ones. I’ve reached that point. Plus, what kind of crewmate would I be if I missed Christmas dinner?

And so, I bid you a wonderful Christmas Eve, and a jolly good pip pip cheerio!

Crew 236 Journalist Report 23DEC2021

Journalist Report

Ben Durkee, Crew 236 Journalist

Sol 04

We had our first death in the field today. It wasn’t the engineer, she had her equipment on lock and in tip-top shape. It wasn’t the geologist, he collected a plethora of gorgeous samples without interruption. It wasn’t the scientist, fortunately for his research and for the perilous drive back, which tested his acute rover piloting skills. That only leaves one.

It’s a funny thing, losing your air. At first you don’t even notice it’s thinning. And then it’s like you’re biting into something that doesn’t have nearly as much texture or flavor as you were expecting. And then the flavor’s completely gone, and you’re left utterly lacking for a moment. You can still inhale and exhale perfectly fine, but your lungs come out of the exchange empty-handed.

I made it back to the rovers with visibility failing, but it was a 25 minute drive back to the Habitat and admittedly I hadn’t been practicing my Olympic breath-holding techniques. I let out one last wisecrack, and that was that. Not a bad way to go, honestly. My family hasn’t been notified yet, so I suppose this is how they’ll find out. Surprise!

While the four (three and a half, really) of us repressurized at Hab, sweet Hab, the rest of the crew finished preparing some kind of unconventional medicinal salve. Its technical name was something along the lines of “chicken noodle soup,” though I could be misremembering. The medical realm eludes me, but it seems to have done the trick! I retreated to my hobbit hole to recuperate and took the most bomb nap of my life (lives?). Something about departing from this mortal coil really takes it outta you, I guess!

Other than my equipment-based curse rearing its ugly head in the most morbid way possible, the EVA was a success! We made it to Barainca Butte with little tribulation. We did have to ditch the rovers at a certain point, when the trail became too treacherous, but we needed the exercise anyway. The butte blessed us with picturesque landscapes, plentiful rocks of unbelievable variety, and nooks and crannies ripe for interesting thermal imaging.

One quick dissociation from reality later, and the smell of dinner suddenly permeated through the whole Hab. Pavi and Cesare prepared a phenomenal couscous & curry concoction, as conversation vanquished the hours and the weather slowly began to sour.

I now write this as the Habitat shakes and resonates, battered by the elements. The wind whistles over the dimple in our roof like a belligerent god blowing a giant jug of moonshine. Sometimes the raw power of the Martian climate just takes my breath away.

Ooh, maybe a little too soon for that one…

Journalist Report
Ben Durkee, Crew 236 Journalist

Sol 03

I did not breach my cocoon like a beautiful butterfly this morning as I had hoped. It was more akin to a greasy, groggy Swamp Thing emerging from a haphazard pile of winter jackets and dirty laundry. But I was warm!

We rose early this morning, in tandem with the sun. Honestly, I don’t know how that thing does it day in and day out. If it weren’t for the dulcet tones of "Ra-Ra Rasputin" pumping us up, I’d probably have stayed in my grease grotto all day.

After wiping the lingering sleep from our eyes and throwing together some cereal, we propelled ourselves into EVA prep.

The plan: myself, Tyler, Cesare, and Pavi were to head farther south than we’ve ever been, past Kissing Camel Ridge all the way to a place called Beranca Butte. Our goal was to find a good spot for Tyler’s thermal analysis research and to survey for any geologically interesting minerals along the way for Cesare. He had his eye set on Hematite.

"But did things go according to plan?" I hear you ask. They hardly ever do. And please don’t interrupt.

We entered the airlock for the first time, began pressurizing, and realized Pavi’s mic wasn’t picking up any audio. An inaudible engineer is no good in a pinch! So, we repressurize, troubleshoot, fix, and enter the airlock once again. A few games of rock, paper, scissors later and we officially made it out of the Habitat.

Two to each rover, we saddled up and hit the road, past mountains and molehills, and Mesozoic masterpieces. We made it about 5 minutes down the road and began experiencing some radio interference so intense that we had to pull over.

After a roadside game of whodunit and a good old-fashioned diagnosis sesh, it turned out my headset had some sort of anomaly that was causing it to constantly transmit, completely gumming up our comms and making communication impossible. In effect, it also gave me an uncontestable soapbox, but I realized too late and I’ll regret that to my dying breath.

We had to turn around and ultimately scrub the EVA due to the time that had elapsed sorting all of this out. Our temporary solution was for me to disconnect my headset and hear their communications by cranking the radio speaker and holding it up to my helmet. It worked! But part of me wishes it hadn’t.

I swear there was a twinkle in Cesare’s eye as it dawned on him that I was alone with the void and had to listen to those knuckleheads the whole ride back and the whole repressurization cycle. A fate I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Which is now him.

Fortunately, when we returned we were greeted with fresh bread, courtesy of Vladimir! We’ll tackle the same EVA plan tomorrow – this time with far more thorough radio check procedures. We filled the remainder of the EVA slot and then the remainder of the day with personal research time.

For dinner, Tyler and I experimented with combining some fresh herbs, leftover lentils, and dehydrated food into a rice-based amalgamation we called "Jambalaya." It was very much not that. But we all drowned it in seasoning and the crew pretended it was edible, which I appreciated. I foresee a lot more Frankenfoods in the future.

Until then, I’ll recede into my grimy goblin grotto and await more grub.

Journalist Report 10 Nov 2021

By Emily Milne

MDRS Crew 239 Sol 3 (11/10/2021):

We began our morning with a breakfast of oatmeal, Cliff bars, tea, and coffee before our 1000 EVA. The EVA was a return to rover training by Kissing Camel Ridge and consisted of team leader GHO Cynthia Montanez, HSO Emily Milne, and ENG Aidan Moga. ENG Moga took samples for analysis in his spectrometer to find potential landing sites. Upon returning at 1202 CO Crisman made jambalaya for Lunch, GHO Montanez transplanted and watered the plants, ENG Moga utilized the spectrometer, and the rest of the crew worked on individual research. HSO Milne cooked pasta with gravy for dinner using tomato powder, tomato chunks, onion, and pork sausage. After eating, the crew watched “The Thing” before retiring for the night.

Journalist Report 09 Nov 2021
By Madison Rooth and Brian Murphy

MDRS Crew 239 Sol 2 (11/09/2021):

We began our morning with a breakfast of water, coffee, and Cliff bars while preparing for our EVA at 0900. The crew studied our Martian Map and began suiting up for EVA Team 1 to embark on their mission. CO Crisman led the EVA, and XO Rooth and MCA Murphy joined with goals of geologic sampling and rover training.

We had a very productive EVA with samplings of sediments, marble, and local regolith to analyze later. MCA Murphy is excited to analyze the grain types in the regolith for their compatibility in clay pottery.

Upon Team 1’s return around 1200, the crew shared a meal of broccoli and cheddar soup with rice.

Then, Team 2, consisting of GHO Montanez, ENG Moga, and HSO Milne, suited up to begin their EVA to the West side of Kissing Camel Ridge. At this time, however, dark clouds were appearing on the horizon, but the wind was still holding steady at 10 mph. CO Crisman informed EVA Team 2 Lead GHO Montanez that if the wind speeds faster than this, to turn around and return to Hab. About half an hour after leaving, MDRS Director Dr. Shannon Rupert contacted the Hab Support Team and informed them of the dangerous weather situation.

However, EVA Team 2 was already out of the radio contact perimeter. Luckily, according to the team briefing earlier, with the winds now speeding at around 15 mph, EVA Team 2 had already begun to return to Hab and safely arrived only at 1330.

While this is a disappointing setback, as Team 2 was excited to explore the rocky Martian terrain, we are preparing to reschedule their EVA to the following morning when the weather will (hopefully) be more cooperative with human exploration of the Red Planet. The safety of our crew must always come first.

When Team 2 returned, the crew worked on individual research projects. GHO Montanez trekked through the Hab Tunnels to the Green House to care for the plants. ENG Moga and HSO Milne worked to ensure a safe and comfortable Hab environment, while XO Rooth and MCA Murphy worked with sediment samples.

Since the generator is still misbehaving, the Hab, unfortunately, does not have power (including heat!!), but this does not discourage our astronauts from putting their best boot forward in this dusty terrain. The crew worked until dinnertime, where GHO Montanez and HSO Milne prepared a dinner of Au Gratin potatoes and meat from the food resupply probe, delivered in the evening.

All in all, Crew 239 continues to push humanity further (and farther) than it has gone before and is looking forward to the following Sol when the Martian atmosphere will not be as harsh.

Journalist Report by Brandon Barth

11/4/21:

Today we ended our simulation and after breakfast we landed back on Earth to the sound of Shannon’s three dogs. After breakfast we went back out to the science Dome and had a lesson on biosignatures (signs of life). These signatures don’t have to be directly life itself but things life leaves behind (like footprints or poop-coprolites-or worm burrows). So, we looked at a lot of different examples of biosignatures and then identified them. I learned that a rising theory is that Desert varnish, which I was always taught was like sunburnt rock, is actually a biosignature, and that bacteria that are trying to survive in the desert will pull manganese out of the air and cover themselves with it like a protective coating to protect themselves from UV radiation. This hardens into the varnish but it takes thousands of years. They are doing lots of studies with it and Atila wants to do research if Lichen and Desert varnish compete, cooperate, or even know the other exists in nature?

After that we were able to go outside on about a mile hike. Along the way we picked up more rock samples and practiced identifying pieces and Shannon showed us some amazing dinosaur bones that have been discovered in the rocks of the Jurassic time period. One was a huge leg bone standing straight up about up to my waist! Truly amazing. But it was nice to have freedom outside and the weather has just been gorgeous up here. We’ve gotten so lucky since it is already November! But the air was just so fresh and crisp that even at noon it still felt like fresh morning air. We all loved it! On the way back from the hike we talked star trek and Star Wars and I loved that too! 

We then decided that for lunch we would go into town (Hanksville) to the burger place called Stan’s Burger Shak (that they kept talking about) as a whole group. And along the way there we stopped at the Rockin’ Riddle Rock Shop run by a super nice lady named Kathy. I decided to buy a large piece of Coprolite, A desert Rose, A beautiful piece of Quartz Crystal, some Rose quartz, 3 beautiful smooth white stones called Chalcedony for the kids (said to bring peace and joy) and 3 small pieces of a cool stone called Kyanite (from Brazil) for the kids too. The quartz pieces and desert rose are for my wife! The poop is for me haha! But it was a lot of fun looking at all that lady’s samples. She had some petrified pine cones that were very small and going for $150 a piece! But they were awesome!

After the Rock shop is when we got lunch at Stan’s and it did remind me of another restaurant called Stan’s when I was in college. Just a good greasy burger and a big ol’ shake (I got peach cobbler, very good!). Another member of the Crew paid for all of us to eat since they felt so bad about having to sleep on the couch on the main level and not being able to go on the EVA’s and making us work more. We said it was no problem and they didn’t have to do it but they insisted. We were all very grateful.

Getting back to the HAB we made our final plan for the day which started with launching our rockets we built yesterday. We all had our rockets ready to go so after setting up the launch pad, positioning baby Yoda in the perfect spot, the countdown began! Tracy launched her rocket first and it was a perfect take off and her parachute deployed. The wind was blowing a little bit so her rocket blew over the ridge but it was easy to retrieve it. Everyone else went in sequence but only a total of 3 rockets had their parachute deploy. David’s rocket did a perfect nose dive into the soft sediment in the hill by the Hab, but Shannon told him not to retrieve it since she didn’t want more erosion on that hill. So, it will be a reminder to others of the dangers of space travel. Those that were able to retrieve their rockets were able to do a second launch and we all had a lot of fun! We got a bunch of group pictures to round out the event.

Before the sun went down, we got permission to go out and explore one more time. Five of us went out in three rovers and went south down the road until we passed the rock called the squirrel where we turned off the main road and drove west on a quest to find what we affectionately call “purple galaxy rock.” We were all very successful and all of us found our own pieces plus some for those that stayed behind. We stayed out for about an hour until the gnats started getting us and then headed back for the Hab.

Upon arriving back at the Hab we all moved our cars back in front of the building, loaded up our rocks that we all had collected and then made cleaning assignments. Let the cleaning begin! We all worked very hard and effectively and are all ready to go to finish off the final little things in the morning. We ended the night by talking out our biosignature lesson ideas from what we learned earlier and then typing up our summaries of our experience here on Mars, and what a great experience it was! 

Journalist Report 3 Nov 2021
By Brandon Barth

MDRS Crew 260 Sol 2 (11/3/21):
We all started the day with breakfast about 7:45 of cereal and powdered milk and coffee. After that we learned that we got permission to all go on an EVA this morning so everyone got suited up. With that said, it is important that there always has to be at least 2 crewmembers back at the HAB. Since Theo (Tay-oh) has to stay behind (due to a knee issue) we were planning on Atila and Shannon being there with her to cover the base. As Jen, Brandon, Katie, David, Tracy, and Adela were all driving away in the rovers, we got a call from the HAB saying that Atila was going to have to leave to get a COVID-19 test to get ready for his family trip. Commander Jen knew about this, but what she didn’t realize was that Shannon was not officially part of the crew and so didn’t count as someone staying behind with Theo. This was just a simple miscommunication, but we wanted to make sure we followed protocol as best as possible. So, we had to send one group back to stay with Theo while Jen, Brandon, Adela, and Tracy continued on to their two stops. They went to the moons area first and found some great gypsum samples and Gryphaea (devil’s toenail) all over the place. After spending some time there, they went to another stop called the Camel (not kissing camels) to look for some sandstone and blueberry samples. They found lots of sandstone but no blueberries. They then went back to the HAB and switched with the other two crewmembers who were sent back out. They jumped in the rovers with Jen again and Jed did a back-to-back EVA. Having two back-to-back EVAs like that, Jen said she would need to write that up in her report later. The first group then went back in and after some down time got the warm bread out of the bread maker and got lunch ready: Loaded mashed potatoes as part of the original plan!

After two hours, the second group got back from a successful EVA about 1pm and they actually found sandstone blueberries! The first group was not able to find any so it was great that the second group found a lot. Jen had a long day having to do two EVA’s but she did awesome as well. And at least there were no rover issues this time around.

Lunch took a while to make but it was worth it! Instead of doing mashed potatoes we ended up making Explorer pie…our own Martian version of shepherd’s pie. We didn’t have mashed potatoes so we used freeze dried potato slices with peas, corn, sausage, and ground beef (all freeze dried) and a bunch of seasoning. The wait was worth it and it was delicious! We also loved all the colors, especially the bright green peas. Not a lot of green on Mars!

After a relaxing and very pleasant lunch we all went to the science dome to clean up our rocks and do some more rock identification. It was very fun to see everyone’s samples of rocks and help each other identify what everything was. We got the rocks all cleaned up and put into little baggies and labeled them.

The next activity was to build our model rockets. The only hiccups we had with those was trouble getting some of the items glued down in the right place. The glue we had was meant for PVC pipe and so didn’t work well with some of the paper components we had to glue. But we figured it out and got all of our rockets built, decorated, named, and prepped for launch tomorrow when we are done with the Sim.

While doing the rockets in the science dome we saw a caravan of cars and vans drive by on the main road in front of the HAB. This was a little disappointing as we were still in Sim and it kind of ruined the effect. Even more strange is that they were using walkie talkies as well and happened to pick the same channel we use for outside EVAs and we could hear their conversations. It turns out it was a photography workshop who wanted to do the class out here. Shannon was able to talk with them since they didn’t have a permit to be out there doing the class and they were using our channel. Luckily, they admitted to not having a permit and apologized, but hopefully this kind of thing won’t continually happen in the future (especially after Shannon’s article that just got posted on Space.com). Besides that though, Shannon said the sets, props, and people were really cool!

Katie and Jen then got dinner prepped for us while the rest of us did some other work and did some cleaning. The dinner was absolutely fantastic! They used homemade tortillas to make a wonderful vegetarian enchilada. There’s no way to accurately describe it other than it was fantastic. I thought the explorer’s pie was good and then this was even better. After dinner was reports, cleaning, chores, and wind down time. It was such a great day on Mars!

Sol: 1 02 NOV 2021

Summary Title: Suit Up!

Author´s Name: Adela Genoves

The day began with the crew drinking coffee around 8 a.m. around the dining table. Folks nibbled on some breakfast items and chatted. Theo informed the team that she injured herself climbing down the stairs and planned on leaving early to avoid greater injury to her knee. We brainstormed as a team and decided that we would move the upstairs couch downstairs for Theo to sleep on and avoid the stairs. She would be a support member for the crew.

After breakfast the crew met at the lab where they studied common rock samples that can be found on Mars. The groups looked at sulfur, breccia, hematite, sandstone, vesicular basalt, and gypsum. Shannon presented the day´s challenge for collecting rocks while on EVA. The a.m. crew was scheduled to leave at 10 a.m. and the p.m. crew was scheduled for a 2 p.m. departure.

The crew prepared to suit up for the first EVA. Katie, Atila, and Adela suited up and secured on their packs for the a.m. expedition. The crew members each drove a Rover to the first location for rock collecting.

First location was at Purple Galaxy Rock Mountain. The a.m. crew explored and collected their first samples. The crew spent about 30-40 minutes scouting for black, red, and purple basalt, conglomerate, hematite, and berries.

At the second location, Kissing Camel, the team walked through a large wash where petrified wood was collected. The challenge called for collecting yellow pieces and pieces with bark. They walked back quickly and the crew carried back an assortment of petrified wood pieces.

The a.m. crew drove back to the MDRS and was greeted by the p.m. crew.

The p.m. crew had lunch ready and the whole crew ate together before the p.m. crew´s EVA.

Around 2, the p.m. crew suited up and secured their packs. Brandon, Tracy, David, and Jen made up the p.m. team. They drove the Rovers to the same locations as the a.m. crew to scout and collect rocks specified in the rock challenge. The p.m. crew returned early due to the Opportunity Rover heating up at Kissing Camel. The crew rode back together on the remaining two Rovers and were greeted back to MDRS by the a.m. crew.

The team gathered back at the lab around 4 to inventory their rock samples. Baggies were labeled and used to store the best samples from the haul.

Dinner was made, while some crew members engaged in conversation and other small duties. Shannon and Atila rode back to collect Opportunity. When they returned, dinner was ready and the crew ate communally. The team continued the evening with light cleaning, conversations, report writing, and overall relaxation.

Sol: 0 01 November 2021

Summary Title: On the Threshold of the Mission

Author’s name: Adela Genoves

We began the day with a crew breakfast and sampled some of the freezer dried blueberries with our pancakes. Had coffee and met all the crewmembers that arrived last night and this morning.

After breakfast, we met as a crew to formally introduce ourselves and learn more about the sim experience. The crew member were each given a gift of several Mars themed books and pre-sized space suits. We visited the lab, greenhouse, and utility shop. We tried on the different space suits and helmets to determine size.

Lunch was around noon. The crew ate fresh baked bread and quesadillas.

After lunch the crew received a tutorial on how to use the Rovers. We partnered up and drove the rovers to the lookout point, then we continued on the road to the quarry. We explored the quarry for about 20 minutes and handled some bone fossils that Jen identified. We drove the Rovers back to MDRS.

Once we were back on campus, crew members walked around the site, chatted with one another, cleaned batteries for the Rovers, worked in the greenhouse, and overall, the crew made themselves useful.

The crew prepared their first freeze dried dinner, inventoried the food supplies, and wrote a meal agenda. The crew determined jobs and expectations for the sim.

After dinner, the team gathered around the table to discuss rules of sim, write bios, and type up summary reports

END

DAD JOKES ON MARS
Lindsay Rutter
Commander, Crew 228

Disclaimer: The sequence of events has been modified for creative purposes.

We Areonauts followed all planetary protection directives set forth by COVID amendments to the COSPAR treaties. And we successfully prevented the spread of the terrestrial virus into a space virus. But no matter how careful we were, there was one pest that hitchhiked its way onto our spacecraft and now can never be stopped – the Dad joke.

Dad jokes cannot be sterilized. There are no vaccines for Dad jokes. They are extremophiles of the highest order, surviving anything you throw at them, including microgravity and radiation. This is unequivocal.

It all started soon after we exited the Karman line. A crew member (who requested anonymity) let out what was unmistakably a Dad joke: "Just look at the rotation of the Earth from here. It really makes my day! …. Get it?"

For the most part, we tactfully ignored it. But then the crew member added: “Wanna know why we’re not stopping at the Moon along the way? Because it’s full!”

I can’t help but think most of the crew said a little prayer that night in their staterooms, hoping that would be the end of it.

As the solar days turn to solar months, it has become clear we will see no end to the Dad joke. A pattern has emerged. First, a crew member will slip out a Dad joke. Then, there is a moment of silence, followed by a cacophony of groans. Sometimes, the crew will clear the room, essentially imposing an unspoken quarantine on the source of the joke, who is left alone to reflect on how they are no Jerry Seinfeld.

We each have been that person. And we each have reflected in isolation. But still, the Dad jokes continue.

"Hey guys, what is the most important part of our computers up here?" A crew member asked one day. "The space key!"

With that, we finally called Mission Control.

"Crew 228 to Mission Control. We might have the Dad joke up here. Can you confirm: when is a joke so bad it becomes a Dad joke?"

"When it’s apparent." Mission Control responded with a straight face. Then they laughed at their own joke for one minute straight. That’s when we knew – even Mission Control was infected!

In a last-ditch bid to rid ourselves of the pest, we wrote down the worst jokes that have been committed on Mars so far, and ran the paper through the compost shredder. But this purification ceremony only emboldened the Dad joke, which victoriously resurrected itself within minutes when a crew member blurted out an all-new-low variant of the offense.

We have since surrendered defeat to the Dad joke. And even though we weren’t trained for it, we have learned to cope with it and will share our strategies in an operational report.

It is possible that, one day, the social contagion that is the Dad joke will make the fateful leap from human beings to AI beings. And should the AI community recursively self-improve the cheesiness factor, it will emerge worse than what we can even imagine today. It will be so bad, it will be almost transcendentally bad. What happens at that point – to space exploration, to consciousness in the universe – awaits latently in the realms of science fiction. Only time will tell.

Today, I transmit a rather sobering report that the Dad joke will always go wherever humans go. And now that we humans have landed on Mars, it is here with us to stay.

What to make of this, I wonder? If we couldn’t leave the Dad joke behind, is it possible to prevent contaminating Mars with other human transgressions? The wars? The corruption? The pollution?

I can’t help but fret sometimes. I’m concerned.

Why, nice to meet you, concerned! I’m Dad!